Initiation & Alchemy: The Journey Beyond Birth

The Echo of Birth

Mothering a child is such a unique experience and teaching on the passage of time. You have something so tangible in front of you exhibiting just how much time has passed.

And even so, even with a crawling, standing, talking 9 month old that blessed our home and lives, our birth still feels like it was just yesterday. 

Ceremony and Surrender

We are in the last quarter before my little boy turns one and I turn one as a Mama and I feel the field having opened again. My birth experience has stayed close to my heart, always in the back of my mind all these nine months, and recently I feel it coming back to the forefront.

I feel I am being invited back into ceremony/prayer with it. To give the initiation its full circle moment, take all that it was intended to give me, and give my heart a bit more peace around it.

Mamas I am wondering if as your baby got closer to a year, if you also noticed the birth portal seem to open up again ? Let me know in the comments below I would love to discuss it with more mamas.

9 months in, 9 months out

Patterns in my Mothering

This brings me to the realization that ‘Mother’ can easily become another ego identity we take on. 

It can be really subtle of where you may have attachments or expectations of how you want to be seen and where you are using it to obtain value (or to martyr yourself) neither of which are being in right relationship to the role. 

This is something I am currently exploring in my own system and I see the spots where I am not in right relationship and I am grateful for the sight, so it isn’t something that continues to stay in the shadow and control my behaviour, but I can fully see it for what it is.

This is how I work with patterning and everything egoic that it not a true expression of my soul being.

First, I am always open and surrendered to see, and one of my greatest gifts is how willing I am to look and to really see even what isn’t pretty.

I approach what I see with approval and have gotten good at sitting in the discomfort of watching myself run my own patterns, even if everything in me would love to shift them and be done with it. 

Forcing change doesn’t work. Forcing behaviour works, but behaviour change is not true transformation. Sooner or later your behaviour will shift back. That is an unpopular truth. 

We can open to transformation if we have the patience to sit with these parts of us that run these patterns until they are able and willing to open and show us what’s there.

This also builds capacity- it is not easy to sit with and watch energy expenditure in these patterns, but every time you do, you create more and more space between these default energy patterns and the ‘you’ that’s behind them. 

When I can get to the part that runs this pattern I try to understand her and her needs and what this pattern is doing for her and I see how I can integrate those needs in another way. 

I meet the needs of this part of me, I meet the needs so she may feel what it felt like to not have to develop any manipulative or sneaky patterns in order to have basic needs met. To know that she just as she is is seen, heard, loved. Held.

As time goes as space is built this part loses its authority it once had. She may sometimes still arouse sensations in my body, but she doesn’t lead, my adult self, my highest expression leads. 

Eventually she will stop showing up in this way. So I didn’t have to force behaviour change, I went to the root and healed that. 

And sometimes I work with a spot many times, many layers deep, before I arrive at the true root source.

Let me tell you that I have been on this path for many years, and my own pregnancy and birth were deep ceremonies for me where expedited healing was happening and I was being shown many pieces of myself to work with. And yet I am still meeting these spots and working them out.

Some alchemize quicker than others.

And so here I am on my knees again in this initiation. In deep devotion and surrender. 

I see pregnancy and birth as a journey to the underworld where at each layer you will be asked to strip another layer of untruth. And another, and then another. In the mythical story of Innana, at each gate she reaches into the underworld, of which there are 7, she is asked to give up one piece of her adornments as queen. 

And here I am 9 months postpartum entering the portal again as we near the last quarter before we reach the one year mark and I feel again I am on this underworld journey, deepening what was started many moons ago.

This is a path of self-mastery to me. I value seeing and knowing myself in this way so that I may release myself of everything that is not truly me.

It is my greatest intention for my life to live fully expressed and sovereign as soul.

And so it is.

If you haven’t yet said hello and introduced yourself, please do in the comments because I desire to get to know you all. And if you have anything else to share about this piece, I am always eager to hear and connect.

With great service,

A.

Ways to work with me?

TEMPLE container on Substack (paid upgrade essentially) where I release more personal pieces and examples of doing this work. Another layer of consent to interact with my teachings without it being direct. Attune yourself to the practice, in your own way.

SOUL One off one-on-one session giving you transmissions and an embodiment practice to touch the seat of the Soul in your own system. 

ROOTED One month container up to 3 sessions. Foundational teachings of a spiritual practice. Orienting and attuning you to spiritual work and setting you up with your version of the work. Embodiment practices to help you feel the teachings in your own body and system. 

Send a message for more info on any of these levels of work.